Let This Fuel Your Ego

I wish you proved to me more than just your looks.

i wish you proved to me more than your empty and hollow words.

i wish you would get yourself out of your comfort zone.

i wish you could see that you keep yourself remained in the confines of the security of your own family.

i wish i could hurt you, like you have done me.

i wish i had such a power over you that you found yourself in the shoes i have been in.

i wish you knew what it meant to barely stand on the bone of your knees after yearning for only one.

i dont wish for you to love me. far from that actually,
if your love is all of the ways i have seen you weave in and out from, well….i guess i question the kind of love you love with and whether you are convinced by what you think you may give and have from “love”. 

i wish you werent so dumb.

i wish you would speak nothing but truth and directly.

i wish you didn’t crave easy. you were made for more than just “easy”.

i wish you could get it through your thick skull that i wont let you take advantage of me although you know damn well you have tried more than once.

i wish you wouldnt mock the grace and mercy i have and had willingly given to you over time.

i wish i could pretend like you

i wish i could show you how you’ve treated me: a portrayal of life without a care and insensitive to those around me so i can remain ignorantly in the narcissism i convince myself that i am not actually living in.

i wish i listened to myself long ago about you.

i wish to have given you the medicine you deserved when i passed by that window.

but here i am wishing. again.

what do you gain from my pain? the food for your ego you love to feed, the only animal you know to live your life with. well, let me be the one to shoot that part of you down, seems how no one else will.

what do i gain from all of this? thankfully, not you.
it was never you that i missed.

it was never you that i longed for.

i yearned for how i treated you. for in how i treated you is how i saw what i hoped to be treated like one day…
i created, in me, this euphoric reality…all that time, thinking it was for you…when really…it was all for me.

this one is for you.
but mostly for me.

because if it wasnt for me

there wouldnt be a “we” between us.

-LH

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