you never did have the upper hand,
not with me.
i was not the easily persuaded naive
puppy who followed you around,
desperate for your attention.
i was and am the rare few who is and was
very aware of their surroundings and can
sense mischevious intentions and hearts.
your attention, along with most other
things, had never held such water.
like a child who pretends nice and turns
around to smash things when no one
appears to be looking, you came
into my life. i, smelling something,
figured ide see what this was all about.
at the end of it all, one could take pride
in thinking my heart was lovestruck,
but that just shows the ignorance
in the pride one could very well carry.
it was never about your upper hand,
it was never about you asking me to
do nothing, it was never about you asking
for shit…it was never about what it was
that i could have from you…
it was all about taking what you dished
to me, turning that, into grace, love,
mercy, patience, and true genuine
kindness with a “no-bullshit” radar
attached at all times.
i loved you. i still do.
but never was it in a way where you
might think to come and go as you please
i was never the type to baby anyone or
give them a light slap on the wrist when
wrong…no one comes into my house,
with muddy ass shoes, coming and going,
leaving a mess that they will never have
to clean up.
dont mistaken the time with me for a
petty flattery like that of the upper hand,
my hand was always higher and smarter
than your upper.
i choose to continue to give unconditionally when necessary, not because someone asked or because “i had to” but simply because, true love, gives when not wanted, when hurt, when used, when not asked for, when taken advantage of, and knowing the dirt clogging up your thoughts and conscience. love loves knowing you were always better and greater than poor behaviors and lack of presentness, inwardly and outwardly.
love loves for exactly who and what you are and Lord knows i could have needed that kind of love when i was younger.
Lord knows i wish i had someone who
truly believed in me, who had faith in me,
when i did not even know what any of
that meant to have it for myself…
you are welcome.